I come from a long line of worriers. My brother, David, used to say that our mother’s main job was to worry, and I am no exception. My daughter, Mackenzie, is also a worrier, as most working mothers today are. Life is such a balancing act, and it is so difficult to get things just right. Being a perfectionist is that much worse, as we eventually learn that many things are just plain out of our control.
Over the years, I have agonized over everything from exam results and boys, to planning a wedding, buying a new home, and wondering how my children and grandchildren will turn out. There are also the nitty-gritty, day-to-day practical worries of our jobs, groceries to buy, and paying all of the bills. Our health, wealth and the never-ending concern over world peace and climate change are always hovering in the background of our lives. In fact, there is no end of things to fear and calamities that are awaiting us, just around the corner. We fear failure, rejection, loneliness, poverty, homelessness, sickness and every other misfortune under the sun, with the biggest one most surely being our own demise and death. The list is endless! Our own negative thinking fuels the cycle of anxiety, especially if we are also unfortunate enough to have a mental health diagnosis, addiction, or poor start in life (or are living with someone who has).
As the global pandemic started to lift, it seemed that the whole world, shut up inside for so long, was clamoring to get outside and travel the planet. That came with its own set of problems. The travel and tourism industry was slow to rebound and many people experienced illness, despite being vaccinated. In May, 2022, my son Will and his partner Tessa invited me to visit them in their home in Europe. Although he had lived overseas for a handful of years, due to a number of factors, I never had the opportunity to visit him in his new home. He wanted me to travel to a country I had never been to before, all by myself (my husband was not able to accompany me), in a (sort of) post-Covid world. I have travelled a fair bit in my day, often alone, but for some reason, I was filled with dread and trepidation about this trip.
Despite being vaccinated, I was terrified of getting sick and ending up in hospital overseas or even dying from Covid. The endless media attention over the previous couple of years most likely fuelled my concerns. Being a former public health nurse did not help…yikes! I felt badly about leaving Paul, as he was not able to do the walking required in Europe, and their centuries-old home also had two sets of stairs, with very flimsy railings. To top it off, I had a partial tear in my rotator cuff, which was still healing, and I had to be very careful about lifting. Nevertheless, I spent weeks planning and looking forward to my trip, especially since I had not gone abroad in several years. This was a REALLY big deal for me! I shopped, packed, prepared food for my husband, and ensured that all was ready for my big day.
The night before my journey, I slept very little, as I was just too excited to settle down. The following day, Paul drove me to Pearson airport, and several hours later, I flew off on my overnight trip. Despite having to wear a mask, I had a great seat by the aisle, with the middle seat empty, and passed the time talking with a very nice young man who was travelling to Manchester, England for business. Will met me in the early morning hours at the airport near his city, and we then took a train to his home. I actually did quite well dealing with the jet lag, but I could not stop worrying about becoming ill. One night, as I was laying awake, brooding yet again, I had a sudden epiphany…I realized that I was ruining my time with my family by wasting precious energy on something that might never happen and over which I had little control. I said a prayer to God that all would be well and vowed that I would try to never again let fear rule my life. From that moment on, I forgot my worries and had a wonderful time!
In the end, I never did get sick, nor did I re-injure my rotator cuff. Paul managed just fine without me, and all was well. In the Bible, Jesus tells us: “do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Matthew 6:25-27). In verse 33, Jesus goes on to say: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
As Christians, we can always trust that God will look after our needs, come what may. As I often tell my young grandson, Jeremy, Jesus is always watching over us, caring for us, and loving us, and He ultimately works things out for our own good. We just have to remind ourselves of that every single day.
