Two of the first major milestones in a young child’s life are learning how to walk and talk. Smaller developmental steps must occur before these huge accomplishments, such as learning how to control certain muscles in our body and having an awareness of our surroundings. My little granddaughter, Charlotte, recently learned how to go to the bathroom independently. She had shown signs of readiness for some time and seemed to be able to control the muscles involved in the process very well. The problem seemed to lie in being consistent between home and daycare. The issue was social and behavioural in nature, and after a long weekend of intense training, she conquered it! Needless to say, she was very proud of herself, and the whole family celebrated her success.
Indeed, self-control is imperative throughout our lifetime. If we are unable to learn and exercise stability and restraint in our lives, nothing will go well for us. How true this was in my first marriage, when my husband’s drinking quickly got out of hand, and he was unable to stop. His lack of control affected every aspect of his life as well as that of his family. Alcoholism is a terrible disease and affliction, with many victims. It is cruel and unrelenting and can very rapidly ruin lives. When I finally realized how bad things had become for him, I tried, over and over, to help him stop drinking and get his life back on track. Nothing I did, however, made an impact on him in any way. I eventually understood that I had literally no control over his drinking, short of finding the bottles and pouring them down the kitchen sink! This only served to make him very angry with me, and he would then go out and buy more alcohol…a vicious circle.
It is very true that no-one can change another person’s behaviour, as they are not under our control or power. Only the person themselves can initiate true change, and they must not only have the desire to do so, but also the ability to follow through and stay the course. I am very aware of this truth myself, being a somewhat frequent dieter in my past life! (It really seems that diets are made to be broken.) On the other side of the coin, we can become too controlling, sometimes of ourselves, if we are perfectionists, or of other people, given our past history and/or innate personality. So-called “control freaks” do not pose a pretty picture, and we all seem to know at least one person who suffers from the obsessive need to control others. For self-preservation, we sometimes need to distance ourselves from controlling people and put up boundaries if necessary.
There are times when we give up control completely, to a power that is much higher than our own. When nothing is working for us, after we have tried anything and everything, we often turn to God as a last resort. I have learned the hard way that it is much better still to give Him ALL the power and control over our lives. For many years now, I pray to God first, and then pray continually, throughout the day. It can be a big ask, or something small, such as asking Him to help me find a parking space at the mall! Asking God for what we need holds true for our health, relationships, jobs, home life, and just about everything else under the sun. Every detail of our lives is important to God, and absolutely nothing escapes His notice. He sees all and knows all (Omniscience); He is always everywhere (Omnipresence); and He is all-powerful (Omnipotence). It removes a big burden off of us, to give all our concerns and troubles over to His care.
In the Bible, in Psalm 46:10, King David says: “He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God…'”. This simple verse reassures us that no matter what is going on in the world or in our own lives, God is still on His throne and is ultimately, still in control of everything. We just have to wait upon Him.
