“…Regrets, I’ve had a few….” The lyrics to Frank Sinatra’s epic song “My Way” ring so true for many of us. Who among us can actually say we have not done or said things we would take back in a heartbeat or that we took a turn in the road which ended up costing us dearly. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and we often never see the landmine waiting just ahead. It is so very hard to fix a mistake, even a small one, and it can take a very long time to resolve, if ever. Sometimes, there is just no going back or doing things over.
Unfortunately, we can get stuck in a negative mindset, mulling things over in our minds, especially if we tend to be analytical and have to always “figure things out”! Believe me, this is not always the best strategy for problem solving, although we do (hopefully) learn from past mistakes. If we have the misfortune to be perfectionists as well, we hold ourselves to a higher standard which is not always realistic. As a former perfectionist, I know how hard I can be on myself and have struggled in the past to forgive myself for things that were not even my fault. We also have the devil to contend with, who is the enemy of our soul…he can constantly plant thoughts and ideas in our minds that are not helpful or true…Revelation 12:10-12 sums up the problem and answer to our dilemma very well:
“Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:
‘Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
Therefore rejoice, you heavens
and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury,
because he knows that his time is short.'”
This passage speaks of future events during the middle of the tribulation period, where Satan (“the accuser of our brothers and sisters”) will be thrown down by the archangel Michael and his angels from heaven to earth. He will no longer have access to heaven, but he is not quite finished with mankind just yet.
Even though we still war with our enemy the devil, we can remain victorious until the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, our Messiah. Each morning, we need to put on the full armour of God: the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the sandals of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit (the word of God or the Bible) (Ephesians 6:10-18). The apostle Paul finishes with instructions for us to pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.
Having endured a very difficult and challenging first marriage, I learned, the hard way, a few home truths which I would like to share with you…
1. In order to truly forgive ourselves, we need to first forgive others who have wronged us. This goes double for love…we cannot love others well if we do not first learn to love and respect ourselves.
2. We are not responsible for other people’s behaviour, nor can we change it. We are responsible for ourselves, full stop. When it comes to raising children, we have an obligation to do our very best for them, modelling and teaching them to be people of good character and full of integrity.
3. Each of us is created uniquely by God…we should never compare ourselves or our circumstances to that of others. We all have our own path to follow in life.
4. Self-pity is not only very hurtful to us, but is also a complete waste of time. If we view ourselves as “victims”, and we constantly carry around a victim mentality, we end up wallowing in pain and sorrow, making it that much harder to climb out of the pit. Moreover, we will discover that our family and friends eventually get tired of hearing our complaints!
5. Other people have long since moved on from what we are mentally torturing ourselves over. Often, they have no idea that we are even upset! Once again, this is a colossal waste of our time and energy.
The Bible talks about Jesus carrying our burdens…Matthew 11:28-30 tells us: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
No truer words were ever spoken. During one of the lowest times of my life, I woke up one morning and immediately noticed a lightening in my body and soul. Indeed, it felt like a huge weight had physically been lifted off my shoulders! I eventually realized that God had supernaturally lifted a tremendous load that had been pressing down on me, probably for months and even years. Why did it happen that day? I have no earthly idea, except that God’s timing is always perfect…He delivers just what we need, when we need it the most!
If we love and know Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, the Bible reassures us in Psalm 103:12: “…as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” 1 John 1:9 continues: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” What wonderful promises these are!
As we close 2024, learn to let go of unnecessary guilt and burdens that we may still be carrying around; but remember that this is usually a process and a necessary part of our healing journey. Unless you are writing a memoir, don’t look in the rearview mirror! Life is too short for regrets.
